Building Bridges: Starting the Conversation with Your Son

Author

Barkim Boone
January 26, 2025

Fellas,

Being a separated or divorced dad comes with a different kind of weight. There’s love, there’s regret, and there’s that quiet pressure to still be the man your son looks up to even when you feel like you’re figuring it all out yourself.

But let me say this plainly:
It’s not too late.
That bond? It’s still there. Maybe buried. Maybe bruised. But it’s there.

Rebuilding connection with your son doesn’t start with big speeches or grand gestures. It starts with small conversations the kind that feel like nothing in the moment but build trust over time.

Getting Your Son to Open Up

Boys don’t always come with open arms and big feelings. They close off. They get quiet.
So you meet them where they are.

Start small.
Skip the “How was school?” and ask, “What was the weirdest thing that happened today?” Humor unlocks more than pressure ever will.

Be present.
No phones. No background distractions. Let him feel that he’s the most important thing in the room.

Go first.
Share your own story. Maybe about a time you messed up. Or something that made you laugh today. Vulnerability invites connection.

When He Talks Listen Like It Matters

  • Don’t judge. Just listen.

  • Ask open-ended questions not ones that can be shut down with a "yeah" or "nah."

  • And when you want to say something tough, frame it with you, not him.
    “I want to know what’s going on with you, because you matter to me,” hits different than, “Why don’t you ever talk to me?”

It messes with your head to know you taught your son to protect, to provide, to lead and now you’re at odds with his mother.

That conflict? It can cloud everything.

You might think he sees you differently now.
You might feel like you’re already losing.

But sometimes, the biggest fight isn’t out there it’s in your own mind.
The story you’re telling yourself starts to shape how you show up. And without even noticing, you begin to pull back.

When someone yells all the time, what do we do?
We stop listening.
It’s just noise.

But something quiet? Something calm in a storm of chaos?
That gets your attention.

Your son’s the same way.

Connection isn’t about force it’s about frequency and tone. You don’t need to break down the door. Just knock, gently, consistently.

For me and my son, it’s Street Fighter on the PlayStation.

I used to win, all the time.
Now? I’m lucky to land a combo.

Most of the time, we don’t even talk during the game. But that’s our thing.

And in that silence.
There’s understanding.
There’s connection.

So fellas, keep showing up.
Even when it’s awkward.
Even when it feels like nothing’s changing.

Because it is.

Your presence matters. Your effort matters. And over time, those little moments become the foundation of a relationship that can withstand anything.

Until next time,
Barkim
Letters for Dads
Empowering fathers. Strengthening bonds.

Quotes for Inspiration:

  • “Any man can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad.” — Anne Geddes

  • “Your son will hold your hand for a little while, but he will hold your heart for a lifetime.” — Unknown

  • “The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.” — Theodore Hesburgh

  • “My father didn’t tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.” — Clarence Budington Kelland

  • “Fathering is not something perfect men do, but something that perfects the man.” — Frank Pittman

Fun and unusual Activities to Try:

Recommended:

A classic action game remade in HD 

A new action game Demo; full title releasing in March

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