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How To Overcome the Fear of Losing Your Son’s Trust After the Separation

Plus 5 Crucial Mistakes to Avoid

Author

Barkim Boone
February 07, 2025

Fellas,

You ever worry your son won’t trust you again after the separation?

Yeah, me too.
I’ve had my son look me dead in the eye and say he was mad at me for the divorce, for leaving, for everything.
And it hurt. Man, it just sucked.

If you’ve felt that pit in your stomach the one where you wonder if your son will ever look at you the same you’re not alone. That fear? It’s normal. It shows you care. It means you’re trying.

But here’s what I’ve learned:
Trust doesn’t vanish overnight. And it doesn’t stay gone forever either.

It’s not about grand gestures. It’s about reliability.
It’s showing up when you said you would.
It’s texting back.
It’s remembering the little things, like his favorite show or when he’s got a test coming up.

After divorce, it’s easy to feel like you’ve lost your footing as a dad. The dynamic shifts. You’re not there every day. And sometimes you feel like you’re on the outside looking in.

But you’re not powerless.
Your consistency is your superpower.

Even when it feels awkward, even if the conversation is dry or distant, keep showing up. Because those small, quiet efforts? They’re stacking. Every check-in, every follow-through; it’s a drop in the trust bucket. And those drops matter more than you think.

Here’s the truth:
You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be present.

Be honest when you mess up but do it in a way that makes sense for his age.
Rebuilding trust isn’t flashy. It’s not some overnight reunion movie moment.

It’s a process.
And it starts with one intentional act at a time.

So today take that step.
Send a message. Make a plan. Say something real.

You’ve got more influence than you think.
Your son doesn’t need a flawless father he needs you. Steady. Genuine. Trying.

Until next time,

Barkim
Letters for Dads
Empowering Fathers. Strengthening Bonds

5 Crucial Mistakes to Avoid

  1. Overpromising:
    Making commitments you can’t keep will erode trust quickly. It’s better to set realistic expectations and follow through every time.

  2. Talking Negatively About his mother:
    Criticizing your son’s Mom can create confusion and stress for him. Keep your focus on being a positive influence instead of fueling negativity. “Don’t shoot the messenger” exist for a reason.

  3. Ignoring His Emotions:
    Brushing off or minimizing his feelings can make him feel invalidated. Take the time to listen and show that his emotions matter. Let him know it’s okay to feel sad, angry, or confused, and reassure him that you’re there to support him through it all.

    Allow your son to share his thoughts and feelings without judgment. Listen with the intent to understand, not to respond. Sometimes, him just being heard is enough.

  4. Overcompensating:
    Trying to win his trust with gifts or leniency might seem tempting, but it doesn’t replace genuine connection. Focus on building a relationship, not just pleasing him in the moment.

  5. Being Inconsistent:
    Unreliable communication or missing scheduled time together sends the message that he’s not a priority. Even small lapses can have a big impact, so aim for consistency.

Quotes for Inspiration:

  • "A father is someone you look up to no matter how tall you grow." – Unknown

  • "It is not flesh and blood but the heart which makes us fathers and sons." – Johann Friedrich von Schiller

  • "My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person: He believed in me." – Jim Valvano

  • "A father carries pictures where his money used to be." – Steve Martin

  • "When my father didn’t have my hand, he had my back." – Linda Poindexter

  • "Every father should remember that one day his son will follow his example instead of his advice." – Charles Kettering

  • "One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters." – George Herbert

Fun and unusual activities to try:

Backyard Camping with Survival Skills – Pitch a tent and teach him basic survival skills like fire-starting (safely) and cooking.

Make a Rube Goldberg Machine – Set up a fun chain reaction using household items. Chain Reaction Rube Goldberg Machine - Guinness World Records - YouTube

DIY Time Capsule – Collect meaningful objects, write letters, and bury or store them for future discovery.

Make Your Own Signature Soda or Drink – Mix different flavors to create a custom father-son beverage.

Homemade Rocket Launch – Build a baking soda or air-powered rocket and blast it into the sky. How to make Homemade Rocket with Vinegar and Baking Soda

Underwater Treasure Hunt – Drop waterproof toys in a pool or shallow lake and dive to retrieve them.

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