Redefining Fatherhood, Embracing Mistakes, Breaking Myths

Fellas

Lets get one thing straight! There’s a tired old myth floating around that moms are the emotional backbone of a child’s life, and dads? Well, we’re just here for fun, jokes and running the grill.

Let’s call that what it is, nonsense.

U.S. Research has shown that fathers play a huge role in their children’s emotional development. Children with active fathers are 43% more likely to earn A’s in school and 33% less likely to repeat a grade in school.

Our engagement reduces behavioral problems; I know you’ve heard “he’s just does it when you tell him”. Not to mention psychological, social confidence, self-control, rates of depression and many more positive health outcomes in children are boosted by Dads.

Your presence, your words, and your actions help shape how your son sees himself and the world around him. Ever noticed how he lights up when you cheer for him from the sidelines? Or how he watches you fix something around the house. You’re not just a background character in his life story you’re the main hero.

Want to break the myth in your own home? Share one memory from your childhood with your son today. It doesn’t have to be groundbreaking, just real. Stories connect us, and your son will appreciate knowing that, yes, Dad was once a goofy, unsure kid too.

Speaking of being unsure, let’s talk about something every Divorced Dad knows too well guilt. You know what I’m talking about that little voice in your head reminding you about every missed moment, every bedtime story you didn’t read, and every time you lost your temper during a tough conversation or situation

Maybe you weren’t around as much as you wanted to be after the separation. Maybe you regret how you handled certain moments. Maybe you worry that your son sees you as the “less present” parent the one who picks him up on weekends.

I get it. And trust me, you’re not alone. But here’s the thing: What you did doesn’t matter What you do is all that matters.

Beating yourself up helps no one. If you’ve made mistakes, acknowledge them. Own them but don’t let them own you. Instead of thinking, "I was terrible in that situation, or I did this when I should’ve done that” over and over; just acknowledge how you handled things and show up. Thats it, move forward. 

Kids don’t need perfect dads they need present ones. If you feel like you need to apologize, go for it but keep it short and sincere; what not to do? Give a 45-minute speech about all your regrets since 2016. Beg for forgiveness like you’re in a courtroom drama. Make excuses or shift the blame (If your mom hadn’t…” Nope. Don’t go there). 

Keep it simple "Hey, I know I wasn’t always there when you needed me. I wish I had done better, and I want to do better now." That’s it. No drama, no guilt-tripping, just honesty. And then? Let your actions speak louder than your words.

Rebuilding trust or strengthening your bond doesn’t happen overnight, but you know what? It also doesn’t take grand, over-the-top gestures. Sometimes, the simplest things make the biggest difference.

Some easy ways to start connecting, send a Random Text Just letting him know you’re Thinking of him. Plan a Low-Stress Hangout. No need to make every weekend feel like a big budget blockbuster movie. A simple walk, playing catch, or grabbing ice cream can be just as meaningful.

Next time your son talks, put the phone down and engage. Ask questions. Show interest. Even if it’s about a video game you don’t understand, be there, be engaged.  

Accept That It Takes Time. If you’re carrying years of regret, you’re not going to fix it all in one weekend. And that’s okay. Your son might need time, too. If he’s distant at first, don’t take it personally.

Think of it like working out after years of skipping the gym. You don’t do one set of sit ups and expect a six pack. You show up, stay consistent, and keep improving. Relationships work the same way.

The key? Keep showing up, even when it feels like nothing is changing. Don’t fall into the mindset of if I can’t do everything, I might as well do nothing. It can happen slowly to the best of us.

“I don’t have him full-time, so I don’t have much influence.” “He’s already a teenager what’s the point now?” “He probably doesn’t care if I text him.”

 Thoughts like these will kill your confidence and distort your vision. worst of all they’re contagious. They’re also not true. Every moment counts. Even if you only see your son on weekends. Even if he’s not responding to your texts (yet). Even if he acts like he doesn’t care. Trust me he notices more than you think.

Guilt is only useful if it pushes you to change. But if it’s just sitting there, weighing you down, making you feel shitty it’s time to let it go. Nobody parents perfectly. Not even the ones who post about their “perfect family life”.

Even superheroes screw up. Tony Stark? Accidentally created Ultron, a rogue AI that nearly wiped out humanity. So, if you forgot the birthday balloons or were late to a parent-teacher meeting relax. You’re still doing better than the guy who unleashed a killer robot on Earth.

So, what’s your next move?

Will you Break the myth that dads are just background characters? Let go of guilt and take meaningful action? Show your son that being a role model isn’t about perfection, but about being real and present?

If the answer is yes, then guess what? You’re already the dad your son needs.

Until next time

Barkim’s

Letters for Dads

Empowering fathers. Strengthening bonds.  

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